Why Am I a Food Snob?

I have happened across many pictures of food that is advertised as “life-changing”, “heaven”, or “not-to-be-missed” only to be disappointed when I see the ingredients list.

I am stating right now that if the life-changing food incorporates canned biscuits or canned pizza dough, I’m out. I cannot stand the taste or texture of it. Plus, what the hell is in there? Gross. I do not want my life changed in that manner.

I imagine the look on my face is quite condescending and disapproving. But it’s because I know it is sub-par and I refuse to purchase or put in my mouth things that aren’t good. I hope you are not offended. But if you are, save yourself now, because my mind is made up. Frozen dough: fine. Frozen biscuits: acceptable. Canned: Never. Belong in the same category as spray cheese. Not really even food.

(btw, here is a very good pizza dough if you don’t want to wait for yeast to rise. You just need to have self-rising flour on the shelf and a carton of greek yogurt… both items which will last forever on hand, so stock up!)

My husband has a favorite party treat called vegetable pizza. Lots of people make it and take to parties. He just didn’t realize that I had revised the original recipe from canned biscuit dough to homemade crust whenever I make it. When he tasted one that I did not make, he whispered to me aside “What is wrong with that veggie pizza? It tastes like crap!” It’s canned biscuit dough dear. Sorry you didn’t know, but just spit it discretely in your napkin and smile.

Oh, and frozen whipped topping. No. Not ever. So gross. I cannot even.

Cake mix. No. It has a taste of fake. Just stop.

I will break down and use canned soup for green bean casserole. I make it once a year at the holidays. It is expected. Somehow it works out. But I don’t buy it or use it the rest of the year. It is too salty, too congealed, too filled with who-knows-what.

Seriously, most times, it really is a matter of having ingredients on hand and you can make it yourself in about the same amount of time. It ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS tastes better when you do. Don’t get me wrong though, some prepared items are worthwhile… puff pastry, filo, bottled marinara, mayonnaise, rotisserie chicken to name a few.  I’ve just mentioned some old hangers on that don’t make the cut for me. They are products that are stuck in the 1960s and need to be retired or replaced.

We are all snobs of some sort, I have just revealed myself. I hope we can still be friends.

Please share your own snobbery. It is cathartic. Really, you will feel better. Comment below.

You Might Also Like

No Comments

Leave a Reply